I’ve been dreaming about my past life a few times this week. My past life of some fifteen years ago. I was back again in the house I lived in at the time, with the man I was with. All the couples of those days, of whom many have since separated, were happily together again. In my dream, I also still had my office job. No surprise, of course, that I should dream of these things in the week I kind of suddenly moved to Diyarbakir.
I what? Well, I didn’t plan to do it this suddenly, it just kind of happened. What I wanted was to move to Diyarbakir in September, for six months. I would be able to work better on my book-to-be, and I would save money if I could rent out my apartment in Istanbul. But when I spoke about it to my friend and assistant Beyza, she said: ‘Why don’t you move in with me? You travel a lot, I travel a lot, you’ll have the house to yourself part of the time, and sometimes we’ll share it.’
Great idea. Finding a cheap furnished apartment in Diyarbakir is not easy, and I don’t want to move things from Istanbul because I haven’t yet made up my mind about where to live in the longer term. Buying new stuff for an empty place in the city is ridiculous if it might be for only half a year, and even more ridiculous if one of the reasons for moving is to save money. All in all, a great solution.
Next day, Beyza gave me a key. And when I asked something about the house, she said: ‘You decide, it’s your house too now.’ So it seems I have moved!
And then these dreams came. Dreams about the steady and predictable life I had at the time. It was easy, but also very unsatisfying. I could get really down and even scared thinking of the life that would be ahead of me if I didn’t DO anything. In the end – long story – I left that life behind. Everything changed radically.
Now, life is in no way easy. Nothing is steady. Well, nothing… I am. Since leaving my steady life behind, I have come closer to who I am. There is hardly any comfort zone left in my life, but apparently that’s exactly how I feel comfortable. So, no, I didn’t wake up with any regrets whatsoever after those dreams. On the contrary: it reconfirmed the decisions I have made. I’m ready for Diyarbakir. Let’s see where it will lead me next.